BEING HEARD IS A POWERFUL APHRODISIAC

Clear communication is the window into the world of your partner. The emotional bond created by romantic love evolves into a powerful bond of connection through the process of resolving conflict.

What determines chemistry between two people? Why does the romance end and you fight about the same things over and over? Why can't your partner understand you and hear what you are saying. When we fall in love we see life in Technicolor. We feel sexier, smarter, funnier. We feel whole, we feel complete, and we feel connected. Why does this end and the fighting begin and continue? What happened to the person we thought completed us? Why is it that the very qualities we once admired now drive us crazy?

Disappointed in your partner? Did you know that this could be an excellent sign?

Old hurts resurface as we realize that our partner cannot or will not love and care for us as promised. When this happens we try to coerce them through shame, criticism, blame, anger or crying---whatever works. The power struggle has begun and may continue until you, in desperation, split up, settle to an uneasy truce, or look for help.

Growing up we instinctively developed a pattern of behavior to protect us from being hurt again. But all the same, we continue to carry around an internal image, a sort of imprint of our parent's traits. When we, as adults, meet someone who meets our emotional imprint, we fall in love. Our imperfect parents, freeze dried in the memories of childhood are reconstituted in our partner.

Unconsciously, we need to be healed by someone with the very deficits that hurt us in the first place. When you understand that you have chosen your partner to heal certain wounds, you've made the first step on the journey to REAL LOVE. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to heal by stretching out of the defenses. It's only when you don't have this knowledge that conflict is destructive.

The good news is that the power struggle is supposed to end.

Many couple's problems are rooted in misunderstood, manipulated or avoided communications. Unless you're conscious of the dynamic you may think divorce will solve your problems-only to select another partner with similar characteristics. The core skill in Imago Therapy is designed to correct this. Instead of criticizing and blaming the other for not meeting your needs and desires, your partner will be able to hear, validate,and empathize with you. Clear communication is the window into the world of your partner. Being heard is a powerful aphrodisiac.